Each day home with a new baby is filled with ups and downs. There are truly once-in-a-lifetime moments. But it is also just a fact that there are long, monotonous days that can feel totally unnerving if you are used to being at work.
This post is just me sharing real life experiences to help you make the best choice for you, Mama. Intertwined are pieces of truth and wisdom along with the real and honest-to-goodness things I have learned along the way. I'm writing this during naptime, so let's get to it...!
When we started seriously think about starting a family I researched the policies at my workplace and quickly learned the bulk of any of my time off would be unpaid. I strongly desired six months of maternity leave. That is by all means, a very generous amount of time. My workplace does not have a formal parental leave policy, so as soon as I found out I was pregnant we reached out to our financial planner and she helped us establish a savings plan for my time off.
The goal? Zero interruption of income for our household even when I was not working.
This is only one approach to funding your maternity leave, but generally speaking, as soon as you know you want to start even trying to have a baby, save as much money as possible. By time Miles was born, the savings was fully funded. We were dedicated to working hard to meet this goal. If you are feeling totally overwhelmed by having no paid leave, I understand. It is stressful and challenging to navigate all of this when all you really want to do is focus on your growing family.
We read a book together called, Becoming a Calm Mom*
. It was so helpful and we were able to discuss big topics in manageable ways. The guidance in the book led us to feel confident that six months off was the right amount for our family and we learned how to better discuss the major topics that face new parents.
In total I used 3 weeks of saved sick/vacation time (ALL of my time off) with 12 weeks off under the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA, unpaid) and the rest was approved by my management as time off under Leave Without Pay (LWOP, unpaid).
In addition to our savings fund we began putting aside some money every paycheck for a baby savings (the baby savey, as we call it) to use on any baby needs after Miles was born. In the first week or so we bought a SnuggleMe ($100), a Rock'n'Play ($65), and a lactation consultant home visit ($350). There are plenty of things to get second hand or buy used, but when you really need something immediately, it is a relief to be able to have it right away. It is crazy how much things add up! Overall, saving created a solid foundation.
It gave me breathing room to focus on motherhood instead of feeling pressure to get back to work.
While six months off sounds like a long time, it has flown by. All in all, 12 weeks of leave seems to be a sweet spot for many working mothers I have spoken with, but they do often mention not yet feeling physically recovered. For me, at 12 weeks I felt recovered physically but I was not ready to be apart from Miles all day. We were bonding and I was just starting to get into my groove as a mother. It takes time. Many new mothers say they did not truly
feel like a mother until their baby was 3, 4, or even 12 months old. I would recommend getting as much time off as you can, keeping in mind you can always go back to work earlier than you planned. Nothing is permanent.
If your partner has time off, consider splitting it up. My husband and I staggered his paternity leave so that he would have the bulk of it when Miles was born, and the rest when I return to work next month. This way we can transition as smoothly as possible with managing household chores and baby tasks, and I have his support as I make my jump into becoming a working mom. An older colleague once told me that the time he spent staying home with his children when his wife went to work was one of the most significant times of his life.
Speaking of partners...I felt so guilty when my husband returned to work but I still needed his help. Reality is that I put this pressure on myself. My husband's support to balance his work and home life was and is essential. For example, at one point when Miles was younger, the best solution for us was that I went to sleep early, hubs was on baby duty until midnight (usually one feeding), and then I would get the early morning one. We both got some sleep and baby was happy.
Each family balance is different. One common thought is that in the face of high childcare costs, one partner should stop working. And I get it. Washington, DC has the highest childcare costs in the country. I would be lying if I did not say the idea crossed my mind. But, I considered the cost of long term earnings loss (as in the money I would make after the few years of childcare) and it does not seem worth it save money in the short term. Again, nothing is permanent. One amazing thing about motherhood is that it really sparks a revolution for you and your family: a chance to review your entire life. You may want a whole different career. Your spouse may change jobs. You may move somewhere new. Who knows!
But the chance to truly think about the WHY behind everything you are doing is a gift, even when it seems overwhelming to do so.
Part One Wrap Up:
Research what kind of leave is available to you
Save, save, save
Plan to share baby tasks even when your partner goes back to work
Invest time to learn how to discuss parental topics (childcare, balancing work life)
The second part of this post will focus on more bits of wisdom I think make all the difference in enjoying your leave. I hope the practical insights here have helped organize your thoughts. Definitely email or message me if there's anything you want to talk about, I'm here!
wishing you joy on your journey,
kristen
*My first time using an affiliate link!
